Learning About Losing

I hate to lose. Actually, I despise it. I come by it naturally since I was born into a family of fierce competitors. My brother and I started out early, playing highly charged games of Chutes and Ladders. Our rivalry continues to this day when we get together to play card games during family vacations. My father used to play games with us often and never saved us from the despair of losing. He allowed us to be losers. Sounds funny, I know, but it saved me from falling into a heap on the floor as a young adult when I lost a game, a competition, or when things didn't quite go my way. The tears and crying that come with losing can be heartbreaking, but loving parents can help their children develop life skills by allowing them to experience disappointments in the safe arms of Mom and Dad. Shielding children from all of life's hardships sends the message that they are not strong enough to cope with life's bumps and bruises. If you can love your children through their sadness, it will allow them to be "winners" every time they lose.

Homework Tips

It's true... homework can be a hassle. Here are four of my favorite homework tips that have served me well as the parent of three children:

1. Don't take over. If your child is struggling with an assignment, resist taking the pencil from his hand to "demonstrate" for him. Instead, try having him explain to you how he thinks he might be able to work through it. Once you take the pencil, you send the message that your child is not capable of doing it on his own. If you must demonstrate, use your own pencil and paper rather than the student's.

2. Avoid saying "wrong". Nothing halts a child's thought process quite like the word "wrong". Try using phrases like "You need to re-think this answer" or "I know what you are thinking but that is not going to work". Phrasing it as a question can help, too. Try "Why do you think this is correct?" or "Can you explain your thinking?".

3. Praise hard work not intelligence. If you tell your child how smart she is when she gets the right answer, you may be setting her up to think she is no longer smart the next time she gets something wrong. Praise how much she is learning, her effort, and her determination and she will continue working hard even when the answer does not come so easily.

4. Don't bring up your past. If you struggled or excelled in a particular subject in school, it may be best to keep it to yourself. Sharing such information can cause unnecessary anxiety and wreak havoc on a student's self-confidence.

Homework time can be overwhelming for parents and students. Rest assured, there were many nights in my own home when I did not do so well following the above tips! We do the best we can as parents, and I hope that these tips come to mind in the moments of frustration you may encounter at the homework table.

What I Really Want You to Know

A recent article on CNN.com titled "What Teachers Really Want You to Know" has been circulating like wildfire with claims from "award winning" teacher Ron Clark that parents need to back off and let teachers do their jobs. He professes that parents need to stop making excuses for their children and trust teachers to educate them. Although there is much in the article that I agree with, it is the tone of his words that makes me a bit uncomfortable. Why is he on the attack against the very people with whom he needs to establish a relationship? Below are the top three things I really want parents to know:

1. We love your children. It's true.  We would do anything to help them reach their potential. We certainly can never take your place, but when they are with us we treat them like our own.

2. We want you to assume good. Your trust is vital to our success. When your child comes home with a story about something that happened at school, be a "speed bump" and a "deep sea diver". By that I mean, slow them down and dig for the truth. Contact us to discover what is really going on.

3. Let your children make mistakes and don't make excuses for them. The best lessons in life come from experience. When your child misbehaves or does poorly on a test, believe it or not, we STILL think you are good parents. 

It is in working together that we create the best experience for your children.

My best,

Heather

Welcome to a New School Year

It is with great excitement that we enter the 2011-2012 school year in Constitution. I hope to use this blog to stay in touch with the families in the Lower School. It is just another way we can keep the Academy Triangle strong! I will try to update the blog twice a month or when I have special news to share. Sometimes it will just be information about upcoming events, and other times it will be tips and helpful advice for parents of Constitution scholars. This blog is NOT meant to replace the school calendar, the newsletter, or messages from your child's teacher. It is simply just another way for me to stay in touch with the families of BA. Looking forward to a great school year!
Heather